Soft

I wonder what it would have been like to be Jesus. Each and everyday, walking around Israel, meeting people that desperately need your help. Teaching them all, touching some, healing less. How much of their pain would have he felt directly? Would it have been frustrating to see all these people and know that you just don't have time to talk to everyone, to help everyone.

What would have his relationship with God have been like? Was it personal? Did it come and go? Did he memorize scripture as a boy? Was it all in his head? From the early tales we have of Jesus in the court in Jerusalem, it's pretty clear he has wise far beyond his years in interpreting the scriptures, but did he ever become apathetic?

While a lot of the answers to these questions are clear in mixing his humanity and divinity, and even more of them become unclear in that mix, it's important to remember that Jesus experienced many of the same feelings we have, if not all of them.

In the past few weeks, I have been learning that I need to be soft again. Soft in all the right places, and let the calluses that have grown fade. I'd be lying if I said Fiji didn't do a number on me; didn't threaten my spirituality. It was a trying experience, a time in the desert, and while I knew that God walked me through each and every moment, including the months afterwards, it left me tired.

I'm still tired. But the time has come for me to wake up and no longer use that as an excuse or a crutch, but instead to use it as my catalyst. Time to dig in deep, to remember my roots, and revive the parts that have dried and withered. Remember that if I am going to be soft to one thing, receptive to one voice, it's God's. That means more time in the Word, more time on my knees (literally), and more time meditating after both of those things.

This is my commitment.

Painting

Have you ever stopped to just reflect on where life has taken you? The ups, and the downs, like a gentle rolling vista at places, and jutting, harsh mountains at others. There's little doubt that each of our lives would make an interesting painting, if only we had the wisdom to portray it.

If I had to paint the last 9 months of my life, it would be a high mountain pass, with thin, seeming impassable trails leading around sharp corners. If you dared look down, there would be the stunning view of forests, rivers and life growing, but you are so far removed from it. You gasp for breath, but not because of how hard you are working, but because of how high you are. Each step is a slow, tedious one as you plan your footholds praying that they don't give way. Without a doubt, falling would lead to a very painful, very awful death. Onward you must go, because going back is not an option. Inch by inch you crawl onwards, clinging to the slick cliff face.

I want to quit. I want it to all end and be back among the safety of the forest, with it's soft underbrush, and the gentle bubbling of water as it cascades down the riverbed. This is a place where animals graze quiety beside you, and the friendlier ones brush up playfully against your leg. It is safe, comforting, and free.

But I am not there any longer, I am high up this awful cliff, with promises of peace and joy unknown on the other side. It seemed like ages ago I set out on this journey, and time just scrapes slowly by. Rocks jab at my shins and thighs, scraping them through my clothes. I clasp tightly to the sparse handholds, and suffer bleeding palms because of it. My muscles ache, my head is throbbing, and my throat is parched. But somehow, I know that I would not be happy down in the forest. It is but a distant memory.

To be honest, I'm not sure how I would capture that in a painting. It would take someone far more talented than me to offer others a glimpse into my mind's eye. There have been times when I have felt a tortured soul. Strangely, however, I have also found peace. Despite Fiji, God has reaffirmed my vision for ministry. Despite Bethel, I have found a new church where I am challenged and grow. Despite Jordan, I will learn to love again, and be loved in return. Despite my job, God has blessed me with another, and one that I enjoy equally. Despite moving, I have a roof over my head and I've made friends.

My hands may be cut, but only so that they are stronger. My eyes may gaze upon the lush forest below, but only so I know how beautiful my new home will be. My muscles ache, but only because they have not been used. My throat is parched, but only so I thirst for the Living Water. My head may throb, but only so I appreciate rest.

Each small trial prepares me for infinitely more in the future. I am blessed.

Heading Home

Well it's confirmed. I leave Fiji tonight at 10 PM. I arrive 49 minutes later in Vancouver... I WISH! It'll be over a 24 hour transit time, but it will be a good thing, as I look forward to spending sometime with family and friends.

God has used me while I've been here, but I get the distinct impression I may never know the full extent of what He has done through me here.

But I'm going home! YES!

The Final Night

There is a good chance that tonight will be my final night here in Fiji. It's been a wild and bumpy ride, of an extent that I would have never been able to anticipate. Looking back on it though, you have to recognize that God has had His hand in it all. I'm not sure why He brought me here yet, and maybe I'll never know, but do I need to know?

The truth of the matter is that I'm where I need to be, and I always have been. He will guide me, He will direct me to the exact place that He wants me. My job is merely to be there and do what He asks me to do. I would like to think I've done that while I've been here in Fiji. It's not always been easy, and the words are rarely gentle words... reconciling that with my mission has been one of the hardest things I've had to do.

But now I can look forward. I will probably head home tomorrow night. I can rest for a few weeks, and then begin my job hunt. I can take a bit of a breather from the intense stuff for awhile as I look to God for my next adventure.

On the final night, I can honestly say that I leave this place with a peace in my heart. That gives me great joy.

Never Forget

Our life brings us in contact with hundreds of different people. Some of them we will call friends, most we will never get to know, and some we will call enemies.

Hopefully the last of those categories will be the least, and hopefully we will not sacrifice what we believe so that most fall into the first. I would much rather be known as someone who stands for what I believe in than someone who compromises to make another person comfortable.

I honestly have no idea what my life will look like, but I have a small indication that it will not be filled with tea and cookies. There are times when my own pride gets in the way of a relationship, when I seek more for my own good than for the relationship. In those times I am desperately wrong, and I hope that years and wisdom will cull that behaviour out of me, so that it is not my pride, but theirs that hold back the relationship.

What do I mean by that? I mean that if someone calls me their friend, they are willing to face their problems, their own sin and stare it straight in the eye, demanding it out. They will be honest, decent people who are faithful and true. And if either of us are to cut the relationship short, it will because they will not face their own fear, their own sin.

In the midst of that, the desire is only to see people grow closer to God. Whether that be in looking to their past and facing the one thing they have avoided their entire life, or having done so, learning how to interact with God in both a personal and reverent manner. I have no idea what these things look like, I am still sorting them out for myself.

Friends. These people I cling to with a desperate fervour. They are faithful, true and they mean the world to me because of what we have been through. Their words are spoken wisely, and chosen carefully, for they know the impact they have on others. These are the people whom I trust.

As I leave Fiji, there are a few things that cross my mind. There is still much to be done here in Fiji, and I will continue to pray that God will bring about the right people to come here and work with the locals, strengthening the churches here. The people are thirsty for others to teach them from the Word of God in new and creative ways. To be encouraged to carry on in the faith when the going gets tough and make a difference in their communities. They can do great things, if only they had someone to show them the way. But to be here, to live here requires a heart for the people and the nation. It is not easy, and it is definitely not paradise. It has many flaws, and many schisms in the façade of a perfect place. There are many pitfalls, and many spots over which to stumble, and above all, I could not see someone doing it alone.

I hope many people will join me in praying for this nation, because the battle here has only just begun, and the people need as much cover as they can get. It will be long, bloody and furious. We must fight with them for what is right and true, so that they will find out once again what it means to live under the spirit of freedom.

These two things, of friends and battles, we must never forget.

Bleeding Hearts

My hope is that in the next few years, God will raise up people who will have hearts for the people of Fiji. I was walking around today, and noting how desperately they need the gospel of Christ in their lives from people who are dedicated to living out the word of God for them. There are tons of ministry opportunities here for working with local organizations and pastors, and networking a giant ministry of churches that are all working together for furthering the kingdom.

They are a welcoming, friendly culture, but as with anywhere you go, there are infinite amounts of pain hiding underneath that smiling face. While the surface seems like crystal smooth glass, the undercurrents are turbulent and chaotic. They need Christians with bleeding hearts to come and show them how God can change their lives in very real ways.

I got up this morning and went to go practice with a Serevi’s rugby team. Man, I’ll tell you something, I could not run regularly in this sun. It’s blistering hot, and I’ve never been so tired so quickly. After about 15 minutes of drills, I was feeling like I was going to lose by small breakfast. Stop what you’re thinking, cause it’s not true!  I have been doing cardio for the past two months while I’ve been in Fiji, so I’m not completely out of shape!

After that, I travelled out to Denarau Island to get onto the internet. They offer free wireless out there, so I made the trip out, and in the end wasn’t sure it was necessarily worth it. I saved myself some money, but it took me a lot more of my time. Afterwards, I walked around town to see if I could find some decent deals on Fijian items, and I was wishing I’d picked up more while I was in Suva. They were higher quality, for less down there. But I’ll have to settle for a bit less!

Preparations are being made... less than a week left.

Friends

Good Friday. And I felt like it was anything but. I was up at 8 this morning to be ready for the 9 AM service, sulu and all! While I can’t say the service was anything to write home about (ironic that I should be writing that on a blog... which people from home read), it opened up some new possibilities. Melissa and Serevi invited me over to their place for the day. So after I went to the airport, I walked down to their place.

Melissa is a woman who first came over with YWAM, met Serevi, and they ended up getting married. While I’ve seen them around, I never had a chance to get to know either of them, and I’m glad that before I left, we had that chance. Good conversations, food, laughter and working through the different situations from our different views. These are things that friends offer to us, and I have learned especially now to cling tightly to them.

I spent the whole day there, and I left feeling a little more refreshed than when I came. A little more informed about the situation here in Fiji, but most of all just enlightened and I had a chance to just offload some of my thoughts and then forget about them as we spent time together.

There are many good people here in Fiji, and even while I am gone, they will be in my thoughts and prayers. Friends, each one of them. Different cultures, different worlds, but we share something in common: Christ.

Anticipation

I was all over Nadi today as I closed up some loose ends. There is a flurry of things you need to do when you are unsure of the end date of your stay. One conversation that came out of that was with the pastor at the Dream centre. When I told him that I would most likely be leaving early, he smiled at me and asked if it was homesickness. That raised an interesting point in all of this. I’ve never missed anything back home to the point where it would be the reason for my leaving to go home.

Sure, I’ve had my fair share of missing particular things (milk, hot showers, feeling clean, my car) but none of those things have inhibited my ministry here by being overwhelming in their nature. I have been able to focus on the events and the people that I met while I’ve been here. For that much, I have been thankful.

Now, the anticipation builds. The rush of being back on home soil, of seeing family, Carys, hot showers, homemade food, and the feeling of security. These things I all look forward to, with great anticipation for my arrival at home.

It’s a neat feeling.

This morning, however, I had a chance to speak one last time to the Nadi Airport School for Easter. I took them through a very unorthodox story referring to Jesus taking our place, and ended it with talking about how there is only one way to heaven. So many of those kids are growing up in a Hindu home, and will ultimately end up believing in many gods, hopefully God can water some of these seeds to see it through.

Small Blessings

If there is one thing these past few days have taught me, it’s to appreciate the small blessings that you have in your life. Perhaps that’s hot water, clean water, a roof over your head, food to eat, money to spend, a car, paved roads, friends, family, security, safety, hope, or any other number of things, you have to find that hope.

This morning, after I had my shower, I sat down and had a good chat with Jackson. I am so excited to see and hear of the things that God will do through him in Nadi once he has had some time to spread his wings. His heart truly is in the right place, seeking after God, and he has a heart for the people to whom he is ministering to. Even during our chat, his heart went out to me, and we share a kinship there as look forward to the future. He has been more of an encouragement than I can really put into words, because of the prayers he has offered up for me, and the small words that have lifted me up.

While I was at Jong’s today, I did laundry. As I was talking to people back home, my body literally ached, and my head hurt from all that was running through it. My emotions, my soul and body were connected and they were each feeling the others pain. Imagine my surprise then when I went out to check on my laundry and I found it all folded nicely on top of the dryer waiting for me. I don’t know who did that for me, but such a small gesture was such a huge blessing to me.

These are the things we live for, the small smiles between the storms.

Knowing the Gems

Perhaps these past few months in Fiji have been to show me what it can be like. The question that you ask is what ‘it’ is. This is a very pertinent question, because the entire sentence, indeed my entire thought rests on ‘it’. Our lives will bring us across many people, some of whom will be good, and some who will be inexplicably awful. Perhaps they will do it on purpose, or maybe, just maybe they will do it in complete ignorance. I hope for their sake it will be the latter, maybe then they will have an excuse when they stand before our Father on that final day.

I woke up this morning with a purpose. I was going to dig deep into the word, and then employ a little old fashioned carpe diem. Seize the day and make a difference. Indeed, this was the day to change the world. Until in my surge of excitement, someone tied my shoelaces together, and I fell flat on my face.

After spending 30+ minutes doing my devotions and showering, that fateful moment came. “Stephen, we need to talk.” – breathe deep man; God will carry you through this. Ken once again wanted to have a conversation with me. I quickly got dressed, prayed my heart out, and then went out to meet him. The details of the conversation are really not important. The statements from it are:

You are unfit for ministry

You are an angry person

You have many undealt-with issues

Imagine with me for a moment, as I’m sure you have gotten so good at doing by reading through my blog, that some stranger walks up to you on the street and starts to tell you that you are good for nothing, and the calling that you have received is wrong. You’ll never make it. Now I want you to take that moment in time, and I want you to capture it. Hold it dearly. What emotions are you feeling? How would you react? Where do you think those words are coming from within this stranger, this man?

These are the things I was faced with today. I chose to walk away. I’ll be honest with you, there was pain inside of me, frustration, anger, and much hurt. I was flustered, lost, just like someone took a sword and cut my hamstrings. I was floundering around like a fish.

So I prayed. I prayed hard. And I gathered my things together and set out to carry on my day exactly like I planned, with some small modifications. I was no longer going straight to the Dream Centre to talk to them about helping, but to an internet cafe to consult with those close to me and the situation.

That afternoon I went to the drop-in centre, and talked to them about helping in whatever way I possibly could. I was unsure of how long I was going to spend in Fiji, but just let me help. An opportunity and a glimmer of hope in a very dark place.

The evening came, the time of reckoning. One final conversation, one final opportunity to test what God would have left for me here. I talked to Ken after the Bible study apart from everyone else. Told him the effect his words had on me, and accounted for him the conversations I had with those who are close to me, and to whom I’m accountable. Moving to another church is not an option, and if was not going to work with him, when would I be moving out of the BDC (the place where I am living)?

There it is. The heart of the matter. “Cool, great. When are you getting out?”

Perhaps God shows us what it is like to put our feet on bare coral, to tear them to shreds in the midst of a salty ocean, stinging us to the very core so that we will know what it is like to put our feet on white, perfect sand. Feel it conform to our soles and suck our feet into its warmth. Maybe God gives us these people to reveal to us how much we need to treasure those who support us and give us grace when we need it most.

I will close with this, a simple prayer.

Father,
Thank you for showing me these things.
Place them deep within my heart, and let me never forget the lessons that you have shared with me. Let me treasure with a deep kindred the people who love and support me, and those I will encounter in my future ministry who will be an encouragement to me.
Let me never forget these things. Let me never forget that when I looked back through the sand, into the last two months, and I saw only one set of footprints, it was in those moments that you carried me; and you carry me still. These lessons are like fire.
Thank you for them.
Amen.

The Lion Waits

1 Peter 5:8-9
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

I want you to imagine something with me. You are standing in the midst of a picturesque meadow. The hills roll gently and you are surrounded by patches of birch and pine trees. The sky above is a brilliant shade of blue, and clouds roll past, meandering on to unknown places over the mountains in the distance. Squirrels chitter at one another from the trees, and birds sing comforting songs as they amble through the air in search of food. It’s a warm day, not quite hot, but cool enough that you are perfectly comfortable.

But not all things are lazy. You stand there surrounded by your countrymen, each dressed alike and armoured similarly. You carry your sword at your side with an air of knowledge. This is a scene you have seen before. As you take a closer look, you noticed you are joined by women and children, each armed and ready. Clearly, they know how to use the weapons that are strapped to their hips.

Then it starts. Like a mighty ocean wave, you push forward in unison, surging towards the shore of combatants. Chaos. You crash into the ranks of the other army, swinging your sword, garnishing your shield. You take arrows to the breastplate, swords clatter under feet and an axe clangs against your helmet. Disorientated for awhile, you get your bearings and realize that you’re lying flat on the ground. When you look up, you see many warriors fighting bravely onwards, despite being vastly outnumbers. No matter how many enemies surround them, no one can hit them. Their armour is dented and bashed, but intact. When your head swings the other way, you see some putting down their weapons surrendering.

But the strangest sight of all is right in front of you. You see a lion prowling across the field, and with each soldier he comes across, they seem completely unaware of their presence. Some of them are arguing if he even exists. The argument quickly ends when one of two lose their head as the lion drags them to the ground. It is then that it sinks in: this is no video game. You’re in a fight for your life. The lion sets his gaze upon you as you awkward rise to your feet. The question is, do you raise your sword, or lie back down?

How foolish does it seem to think of laying your sword down, or taking off your breastplate or your helmet when the fight rages on around you? Yet how many Christians do that each and every day. Fiji has thrust me right into the midst of a major spiritual conflict. In many ways, it is similar to North America, fierce. The difference is that there is no guise of peace here. Pick up your sword and fight, soldier.

You can imagine how ironic I find it, then that when I first arrived the book I read was “This Present Darkness” by Frank Peretti. Not all of you may be familiar with this work of fiction, but it tells the tale of a group of Christians struggling for their lives and paints an interesting picture of Angelic battle over the heart and soul of Ashton.

Your prayers are felt. Your encouragements remind me I am not alone. Your letters tell me I am in your thoughts. I am surrounded by warriors, both Christian and Heavenly. The enemy unseen to me, yet real all the same. This time has challenged me greatly, and it has brought moments when I wondered if I could carry on another step. When you suffer from great disappointment, loneliness, spiritual oppression and discouragement all at the same time, it is hard to see the light. When your relationships suffer and you don’t know how it will turn out, you want to turn back. When it seems that your entire mission was pointless, you want to give up.

When all hope is lost, God reminds you that you are in a battle. The Devil is prowling the face of the earth looking for a soul to devour. Put on your armour and pick up your sword, it is time to do battle.

The View From the Pew

April 1st. I didn’t even realize what day it was until now. Makes me want to post something about the flood waters rising too high for me to swim any longer, and I’ll see you all in heaven. But you are all so smart you’d ask yourselves how I’m connected to the internet if it was really that bad. But I digress, to the real meat.

I had no responsibilities today. No preaching, no announcements, nothing. It’s almost too bad, because when you go somewhere for such a short time, I wish I was swamped and begging to be let off the hook, for just one day of rest, rather than for work of any type. But it did give me a chance to look honestly at myself and the role of being a pastor. Ever since I studied Ephesians 4 this past Monday, one particular part of that passage has stood out to me.

Ephesians 4:11-12 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up….

Read that carefully, the wording is very important. He gave each of these people not to perform the works of service, but to prepare the people for the service. While the pulpit and full-time work is important, it is not the be all and end all of the Body. It is merely the catalyst, the small spark that begins a chain reaction, ending in a powerful forward force.

That means the work is not from the pulpit, but from the pews. We as a collective body are the ones who make the difference, who literally are the hands and feet of Christ each and every day to a hurting world. That woman at work who has three kids and no one to help her; that man who lashes out at everyone in anger, these are the people we were born to help. They need the love of Christ as much as you and I do. Without us, they are doomed to a life of misery, and an eternity of hell.

Before church, I listened to a sermon from Brian Buhler. Some of you will know the same, and others should know the name, but it was refreshing to hear a sermon that was both well researched, well thought out, well presented, and dead on. At no time did my red flags go up wondering if what he said was correct, it all struck true. That is something I have sorely missed in my times here in Fiji, because these people lack excellent Biblical teaching. I was refreshed, and challenged.

That is the view from the pew: words spur action. Action spurs words. So on and so forth, with each person paying it forward to others, simply because of their love. You are the Body of Christ. You are the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and the teachers of the world. Without you, they will never know Christ. Without me, they will never know Christ. Be an example.

You Set the Tone

There was real hope. It was raining late into the night, and so I was hoping that the trip this morning would not materialize. However, God had different plans for me. There were small blessings in the surprises, however, we started at 8 AM.

However, there is something to be said for starting off on the right foot. I moseyed on down to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, and when I went to use the towel, guess who was staring back at me? A cockroach! That’ll get the blood flowing early on in the morning, and it certainly does nothing for morale.

As I sat in the van, God was working on me though, questioning my sour attitude (and it was DEFINITELY sour) and asking who I was really doing this for. Thanks for the reminder, God. One step at a time out of the doldrums and back into reality, and eventually I began to have a little fun.

Thus began the adventures for the day, and there were quite a few of those. The first was off-roading in a van. I’m telling you, if I had access to a pimped out jeep, I could have some serious fun in the back roads here in Fiji. We ran into a section of road that literally had a foot of mud. Tire tracks on both sides, and a FOOT OF MUD. Needless to say, the van didn’t fair so well, but there must have been some angels pushing, because there’s no way the five of us standing in the mud could have pushed that van through. So the feet got a tad dirty (sarcasm!), but the rest of the drive was grand, because it was literally like rally racing. Slight left turn, hard right turn, huge pot hole, big hill, hard left turn, pot hole, cement bridge, huge hill climb... just like heaven!

The camp site up in the mountains is pretty intriguing. Nestled between hills, and surrounded by pines, it’s a pretty beautiful spot. If only it had safe water, accessible roads, and electricity, it’d be a perfect spot. C’mon, you kinda laughed at that last sentence! We hacked back the jungle with two lawn mowers, two machetes and a weed wacker. It only took us 4 constant hours of work to get it all done, but now it is nearly ready for camp. I’ll try to get some pictures the next time we go up.

The afternoon involved a trip into Nadi. I needed to exchange my sulu for a slightly larger one, since bigger is always better with a wrap-around, and also to pick up some new sandals. After the usual, “Hi, I’m from Canada, no I’m not a tourist, no I don’t want to look at your shop, no really, I don’t want to look at your shop” and then just walking away, I got to all my destinations.

After that, I hopped onto the internet to catch Jordan online. I’m seriously not enjoying the whole distance thing, but there is another month and we’ll at least be in the same country and able to talk to each other nightly with consistent communications, rather than intermittent ones. Still, I am fortunate to be able to even talk to her while I am here, and for that I am indeed quite thankful.

And tonight? Tonight was spent with me, myself and I. I cherish these moments, because I am feeling a little worn out, and having a night to myself to just worry about... well, myself, is nice. I can do things that I want to do, and not talk to anyone if I so choose. Lets me recuperate for the coming week, and refocus myself.

I don’t know about you, but I need a night or two every once in awhile to simply process all of my experiences and learn from them. I don’t need to be doing anything thought provoking or special, I just need to let my brain rest from people and activity for awhile, and it will do it’s thing. I walk away a little more enlightening and feeling free.

I set the tone for my attitude, and ultimately for the day. Mr. Cockroach didn’t help things at all, but I need to make that choice to enjoy myself and remember who I’m serving. One month to go, and I hope it will be a month that I can serve with all my heart. But that’s up to me to paint that tone, isn’t it?

When the Week Comes to an End

Fridays are always an interesting day. Have you ever noticed how setting a tone will change the entire atmosphere for the day? Every Friday I have the priveledge to go down to the Nadi Airport school and teach scripture there. As will all children, these kids are fun and receptive to the gospel, and presenting it in a fun, dramatic way just makes it all that more exciting. I love those kids, because they are a shining light for me while I’m here in Fiji.

Sure, my voice is hoarse, and my legs are sore by the time I leave the school. But I had fun. It’s not often that I get to say that as of late, and so I treasure those moments. Who knows, perhaps God is using that to plant seeds for much later on in their lives.

Fridays are always the day I know that I will be busy. After Scripture in School, I either get on a bus and head to Suva, or I will be staying in the Nadi area. One way or another, I know that in the evening I have youth that I need to attend. It’s a bit of a mixed bag, because there is so much I want to teach, just not to the kids. While Lami and Lautoka are well taken care of, the leaders here in Nadi haven’t had the resources or examples to them to show see how a youth group could be run. It’s disappointing, but I have to realize that it is also in God’s hands. Maybe time will smooth things out.

And now it is Friday evening. Time to go to bed. It’s raining outside, which means we won’t be going up to camp tomorrow (although that has yet to be confirmed!). I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited about that. I will be running into town tomorrow to exchange my Sulu for a little bigger one that fits me properly, and pick up some sandals. I’m actually looking forward to it.

Being busy is never a curse. It just means that God has places for you to go, and things to do. Being bored is never a curse, because it means you have time to meditate, and time to pray. These things, each of them, are blessings in their own right. Seeing them as such is often the hardest part.

The Group Effect

Ah Thursdays. The day when I usually have to be up early in order to go out to camp and see what sort of things are available for me to do out there. Thankfully, this week did not involve my heading out to camp, so I was able to sleep a little and get some other work done this morning.

The afternoon, however, was spent fishing! Very different experience when you are shipping on the open ocean. One of the helicopter pilots out here has a boat, so myself, Sebastien and him (Adrian) went out on the boat for a few hours to see if we could catch any fish. Rather than using rods, we just used lines with the bait on the end. It allows you to feel the nibbles and quickly respond when you finally do get a bite on the line. I had two bites, but wasn’t able to pull either of them in. The second one almost got to the boat, but he must have ripped himself free before he got to the surface. Too bad, because it felt like a big one!

This evening, we had young adults at Melissa and Serevi’s. Melissa originally came over through YWAM and met Serevi while she was here, and they ended up getting married. There is a YWAM team in the country for a few months, so they took the devotions for tonight, and I got the week off.

You know... I have always been sceptical about the benefits of a YWAM mission, and tonight didn’t really do a whole lot to appease that doubt. The problem is that you bring in people with a lot of enthusiasm and passion, which is beneficial and good, but they lack knowledge. Imagine moving to France, and with all the passion and fervour in the world standing up and preaching to them in English. Despite your eloquent words and sentence structure, your compelling arguments, and your heartfelt faith, your words mean nothing to them: they don’t understand.

While that is a drastic example, I view these short term missions much the same way. If you don’t learn the local customs, if you don’t stop to get to know how they communicate and what spiritual level they are at, and what is really going on in their lives, how can you speak to them? When Paul moved into a new city, he would spend months with them preaching and teaching, sometimes staying for years before he moved on. This allowed him to perceive their specific needs and directly address them.

The team tonight had the best of intentions, and that is admirable at any time. However, in quite a few different areas they were actually quite rude while speaking (without intending to be). In Fiji, it is rude to stand in an informal setting when you are talking with anyone while they sit. Places such as church change this rule, since they are formal... but a small gathering is not. Guess how they presented their various testimonies? Standing up!

Quite a few of them seemed to be going on and on about the flood this past weekend. Obviously, in North America, to have your house flooded would be a huge deal. It doesn’t happen that often. But when you live in Fiji and live in a low-lying area, it happens once every couple of months. It is not the end of the world, it is an expected consequence. Had you listened to these devotions, however, it would seem that it was causing a massive spiritual crisis in the lives of the Fijian people. Small... but significant things that aren’t understood.

Finally, when the devotions were finished, and everyone was mingling... guess what happened? The Fijians sat together, and the YWAM team sat together. There were two or three members of the team who went out of their comfort zone and engaged the Fijian people, but the rest sat in their team and chatted amongst themselves. It’s sad to see, because at the end of the trip they will leave believing that they have made a significant impact on all the lives that they encountered, when the truth may be that they will be remembered as a ‘change of pace.’

All of this could be remedied with a little cultural integration education. Small things that make a big difference. Oh... and team leaders that don’t let the group form their own clusters. That group effect is a nasty thing, because it allows us to stay in our comfort zones in the most alien of places. Why come all this way to talk to people from the US of A? Time to get out and meet new people, and change some lives!

It’s a Matter of the Heart

I spent most of the today with Sebastien. We went out for lunch, went looking for some parts for his windsurfer, and then just spent the afternoon chilling. Because it was my day off, I can’t say that a whole lot exciting really happened. There was a possibility that I would go fishing, but that didn’t pan out for today, perhaps tomorrow.

One thing that did come out of our conversations was the reminder that what is going on in our hearts pours out of our tongues.

Jeremiah 9:8 Their tongue is a deadly arrow; it speaks with deceit. With his mouth each speaks cordially to his neighbour, but in his heart he sets a trap for him.

Have you ever thought about what that really means? “Their [Israel’s... or our] tongue is a deadly arrow” Perhaps if Jeremiah was writing today, he would say that our tongue was like a bullet. Or maybe, for you geeks out there, a rootkit. It is used to destroy, cut down. But it is cunning as well. It likes to disguise itself with lies so that its true intent is not really known. While we put on a cordial exterior, a brooding infection manifests itself inside of us.

Proverbs 15:28 The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.

Proverbs 16:23 A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction.

Matthew 12:34 You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

The last verse is probably the most damning. Imagine this situation. You have been in your church for your entire life, listening to the teaching of your pastor... absorbing his every word and revelling in his wisdom and prowess in opening up the scriptures to you. Some unkempt, uncouth Ontarian (for all my western Canadian friends) walks into the church, and calls your pastor a hypocrite and a false teacher. How do you think you would react? Imagine what it must have been like to watch this scene with Jesus and the Pharisee’s unfold then!

Not only would he call your pastor a hypocrite, but accuse him of being evil, rotting from the core out. These are no gentle, frothy accusations that Jesus levels. They pierce to the heart of matters.

I would garnish from these teachings that the Bible teaches us that what we let flow out of our mouths is merely a reflection of what goes on in our hearts. This can especially be leveraged over time, as a consistent pattern arises from multiple encounters.
If you’re like me, you want to stop and examine what you have been saying! Perhaps you look and are surprised at the things you’ve said, good or bad. Your attitudes, your reactions, the topic of your conversations. These all make a difference. Are you sarcastic, or loving? Are you cold, or welcoming? Are you judgemental, or hospitable? Are you condescending, or encouraging?

There are many things this brings to light... in my own life and in the lives I am involved in while I’m here in Fiji. It blows the chaff away, and leaves me only with the seeds of the heart. What you find is disturbing. Where you should find pure, unadulterated wheat, you find black, maggot infested, rotting seeds. These are things that should have been culled and removed years ago, and yet they still remain.

It serves as a warning sign to us. Do not wait to cut away what cancer grows in your heart. Remove it by whatever means necessary and rise above it. Because our faith, the Way... it’s a matter of the heart.

In the Limelight

Psalm 61:1-8

For the director of music. With stringed instruments. Of David.
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

Selah

For you have heard my vows, O God;
you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.
Increase the days of the king's life,
his years for many generations.
May he be enthroned in God's presence forever;
appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.
Then will I ever sing praise to your name
and fulfill my vows day after day.

There are times in my life when David and I get along just great. You know how it is. Things don’t seem to be going your way in the slightest, so you turn to the Psalms to find out how David wrote about the situation. But maybe, like me, you conveniently neglect how David ends his Psalms. No matter what he is going through, he turns to God in worship. That last part is the one that sucks the most.

Do you know why? It takes the focus away from us.

In our pain, we want to be the centre of attention. We want people to look upon us and have sympathy and words of encouragement to comfort us in our time of sorrow. We want our time in the limelight. But as God (and strangely my sister) so likes to remind us... it’s not about me.

I’m not here for me. I’m not even here for you (although I may be here because of you!). I’m here for Him. He sent me here. He wants me here. This hurts like fire, but isn’t that what makes it so special? Gold cannot be refined without fire. Diamonds cannot be formed without intense pressure.

God, I can’t take it anymore. The fire is too much for ME so take this burden from ME. Help ME lift it from my shoulders because I no longer can carry it. I need You and You alone to carry it... and I need to once again learn what that feels like to not carry it myself and depend wholeheartedly on you. There are times now, and times in the future when people will intentionally or unintentionally harm me, and I need to know You in those desperate times. So be here. Fill me. Take me. Destroy ME because I don’t want to exist anymore.

I want to look at You, be with You.

I will ever sing praises to your name. I will fulfill my vows day after day. Take it all.

Called, Sealed... and it Hurts

I find myself in a precarious precipice. I know where God has called me to be. I know where He wants me at this point in time. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t want to do it any longer. It hurts; hurts more than I ever knew I could. I feel empty emotionally. I feel hurt spiritually. I feel like David.

Psalm 13:1-6 For the director of music. A psalm of David.

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall. B
ut I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

Why Lord? Why have you put me here? Why must I endure these lashes? Why cannot I yield just once and surrender to the whims of my heart? Why cannot I just walk away and leave the work to someone else at some other time? Why must my heart cry out for relief and my soul ask it for just a little more time? Why do I feel so lonely and distant from those around me? When will you show me your glory in the midst of this mire? I want to be free of these burdens.

But I know, even while I hurt. While I cry out for relief that you are here with me. I know that you love me. I don’t always feel it, but I know it is true. I just wish it didn’t hurt anymore. So let this be my song. Let the nations know that this is my heart, even when I cry out in pain.

This is my desire to honour you
Lord with all my heart, I worship You
All I have within me, I give You praise
All that I adore is in You

Every breathe that I take
Every moment I’m awake
Lord have You’re way in me

Lord I give you my heart I give you my soul, I live for You alone
Every breathe that I take
Every moment I’m awake
Lord, have Your way in me
Lord... have your way in me.

To Be Remembered

Whether we realize it or not, the one thing that every human being shares in common is that we want to be remembered. You look at the universal fear of death, and the few cultures where it is absent, and the main difference is how they choose to look at death. For the general populous, it is the end, your life is over, and the best you can do is to be remembered by family and loved ones. But for those few, those very few, death is a glorious thing, something to be honoured and respected.

I again preached my message on joy tonight in Lami. Something struck me about one of the quotes I use in there differently than it has before, however. It is a quote referring to how we choose to live our life. Would we rather be a used, beaten piece of metal that has seen plenty of use, or would we be thrown away brand new, wondering why the world doesn’t bend itself to make us happy. These questions, I think, are valid and should be explored by every human.

Ultimately, it raises the question that is a little closer to home. As Christians, are we doing the best we possibly can to fight for what we believe in? Just like the question I posed to the youth on Saturday night, are we a nation of warriors, or a corporate headquarters? Which do we function as, and what would we like to function as? My answer? We need to start training as warriors, and breeding warriors in turn. People who fight mightily for the cause that we follow.

Ephesians 6:12-13 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

To follow that means to be remembered.

Shine Bright

I’m going to be in Suva for the weekend, preaching at the Lami church. We were expecting to have a youth event in Nadi last night, so I waited to head down till this morning. The drive from Nadi to Suva is quite a beautiful one, because it takes you right down the coral coast. This is the location of the longest wave in the world.

The shining part of the day was not the stunning visuals, it was the Senior Youth event. Lami has quite a large youth group in the church, which can be credited to the elder of the church, Tepau. Last night they added the AGC youth group to that as well, and we had over 30 people. There was laughter, singing and lots of good times to be had. There are things that Canadian youth have to teach Fiji youth, but there are parts of me that wonder if Fiji youth couldn’t teach teens back home even more. They are free, to worship, to laugh, and to be themselves. They throw off the constraints of what other people think to be their own person. It’s amazing to see.

Because of Fiji culture, many of the youth here will seek to be polite before they will seek to be correct. They would rather be polite to you than point out what is wrong. Jesus, of course, was not this way at all. A huge stumbling block for people that only want to have other people think well of them, and not offend anyone. So that’s what we talked about last night. I put the question in front of them, would you rather be liked by people or right in God’s eyes? Not an easy question, for them or for me.

The end of it all, of course, is how bright are you shining? What kind of a difference are you making? If you were to leave unannounced, would anyone notice? Would anyone care? Ask yourself those questions... they are very enlightening. Are you shining bright?