Hang Tight to What You Believe In

Well, it came. It arrived like a day late, but don’t let that fool you, it came like a freight train. It did not intend to ever slow down, ploughing through as though nothing stood in its way. Why do that when you can keep going full steam through the station and the countryside ahead? It’s worked in the past, and it will work this time as well. Makes you wonder when God is going to derail that train, doesn’t it?

My conversation with Ken is my simile, of course. Why God has placed me here is not yet clear, why I have gone through the variety of experiences will never come to full breadth. Yet I stand. I stand as a man, yet kneeling before God as a servant and asking Him for guidance. I could say many things, share with you the totality of my conversation, but it would not do it justice. It may spark conversation, but it would not capture the heart of the matter.

Let me quote from The Message:

1 Timothy 4:12-14 And don’t let anyone put you down because you’re young. Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanour, by love, by faith, by integrity. Stay at your post reading Scripture, giving counsel, teaching. And that special gift of ministry you were given when the leaders of the church laid hands on you and prayed—keep that dusted off and in use.

1 Timothy 1:18-19 I’m passing this work on to you, my son Timothy. The prophetic word that was directed to you prepared us for this. All those prayers are coming together now so you will do this well, fearless in your struggle, keeping a firm grip on your faith and on yourself. After all, this is a fight we’re in.

Did Paul really write these things for Timothy? Did he know that there would be countless others after that would look to these words for encouragement, for their sustenance when the going gets tough?

Today, I was confronted about my behaviour last week, and apparently this past Sunday. The odd part about it is, I did not, and continue to not feel convicted about my actions. I’ve been praying, I’ve been searching but in the deepest parts of my heart, I find no wrongs. Sorry about offending them, yes, but not about what I said. And I was informed that I should not expect an apology, it’s childish to expect that.

So now, I stand on a precipice. We have come to a river that cannot be crossed, and a bridge takes two people. I have been sent here by a church that believes in me and in the abilities that God has given me. I have met people here who do not think that my age allows me to offer a significant contribution to ministry, and least of all to ministry that is currently established. I am here to sit and learn. I came 5000 miles to sit and learn, I raised the same amount in money to sit and learn.

No, I came to preach, teach, encourage and learn. I came for people who are thirsty for God’s word, who are desperately seeking out our Father in heaven. This is my call; this is my passion. But I fear a schism. I do not want to be the one to cause a break, yet I see no other way. Lord, reveal to me another way, bless my ministry and build me a bridge. Yet if this is not in your will, if you have other plans, give me the wisdom to see them, and the strength to follow them. It will not be easy, but I am willing.