Monday, January 22, 2007

Lean on ... who?

Three days separate me from a long journey to Fiji. Three days to make sure that I have everything together, make any last minute arrangements and prepare my heart and mind for the three months ahead. It's all a little overwhelming, and I have a strange feeling that come 6:00 PM Thursday, no amount of preparation will get me ready for that first step onto the plane.

I'm nervous. It's been quite some time since I've felt this way, my stomach is clenched, my arms are tingling and my feet feel like they never want to move. Normally, this is the feeling that accompanies me before a Soccer game that I know is very, very important. The difference this time is, my head doesn't feel in the game. It wants to agree with my feet and stay right where we are, firmly in my comfort zone. But God doesn't want me in my comfort zone.

My comfort zone involved family, friends, and my own culture. It means casual conversations that occasionally dip into the personal, but generally stay in the superficial. It means knowing what buttons to push in order to get a rise. Ultimately, it means depending on my own strength, and not God's. That just won't do.

I say stay. He says go.

I'm not enough. He is.

I can't do this on my own. That's the first lesson I have to learn. Suddenly I understand the line from SCC's "Dive" -- Sink or Swim, I'm diving in.

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