I Would Bleed For You

We go throughout life building, forming and eventually destroying relationships. Some are for good, and some leave horrible damage in their wake. Through my many relationships, I have learned to ask myself one question... would I be willing to bleed for you?

As humans, we have a horrible ability to lie to ourselves, and subsequently to the people around us. We tell ourselves that we love this person, and so we tell that person that we love them, when we never bothered to cement that idea in our own heads. Rather than testing it, proving it, and then sharing it, we skip the R&D sections of the relationship and jump right to production. The irony in it is that we ask ourselves why they fall apart later. Like a building, you need to start with that foundation, not with the penthouse apartment. Sure, the latter may be glamorous, but it won’t stand the test of time. Which is more important? Having that apartment for a few weeks, or waiting a few months for an apartment that will last a life time?

Ministry is kind of like that. Many kids my age (and that is admitting that I am still a kid!), rush into church ministry or missions work without first confronting themselves. Taking that time to do a little bit of navel gazing and working through the demons you’ve invited into your life and the luggage you’ve picked up. It’s not easy; actually, it downright sucks. But it is necessary. This self-exploration cements who you are as a person and allows you then to ask yourself the question, would I bleed for you?

Naturally then, because I like to put on the mask of an expert in so many fields, this leads into the statement that I have been asking myself this question about Fiji. I’ve been here for a month and a half, and I have a decent grasp on the surface issues of ministry in Fiji. But ultimately, none of these questions about methods or programs are important if my heart isn’t in it. The hard truth is that I now know this is not a place that my heart has followed me to.

Let me qualify that statement a little bit, because it drops like a bombshell. I have known, since grade 8 when God called me into ministry that my heart was for my peers. It was for my own generation and the generations that would follow me. My hearts desire is to see them on fire for God, lighting up the country with their passion, their fervour and their relationships. Just thinking about it gets me excited, and I can feel that passion boiling up from within me.

I am also reminded of some of my friends who were clearly called into missions through Bible College. They got that wild-eyed, frothy kind of excitement when you mentioned some remote African village and no running water. They were passionate about these people, and especially about their relationships with God. So the question that comes to my mind is not whether or not I could do ministry, but whether or not I should.

For whom would I be willing to shed my blood? The bitter truth is that it is not here. It is back home, seeing a nation that slides slowly away from God awaken from its winter hibernation and become a mighty force for God once more. That is what raises a battle cry within me, and that is really the only place I see myself in twenty years. It took flying across the world to confirm that, but now I am sure.