Monday, October 30, 2006

The Good Inevitably Leads to...

The bad.

It continues to blow my mind how we as humans take advantage of others and continually abuse them. I think of Moses in the desert. The Israelites time and time again questioned his leadership and his relationship with God. As if a pillar of cloud and fire wasn't enough to confirm his unique relationship with God. They had to tear him down and try to usurp him.

One thing that I can really rely on in that whole narrative is how faithful God is to Moses. How Moses is affirmed and re-affirmed by God that he is on the path that God designated. God carried Moses almost literally through the desert, and gave him the patience and the strength to rely upon God in the midst of everything that went on.

My time here at Bethel has been more than informative, with all of the change that has been going on. But in the midst of that have been quite a few trials. Now, much of this information is sensitive, so excuse me for being overly-vague. One of the issues with Blogging is that people give too much information, and expect it to be kept secret. That's not a wise assumption to make.

I have been struggling with interpersonal issues with certain people. The hard part is that I have nothing against the people in question, I'd be one of the first to step up to defend them. But the way they choose to go about certain things, handle situations, and especially interact with me has really begun to wear on me. It seems like weekly something new is coming up, and I wonder if they aren't completely oblivious to the entire situation.

Take on top of that the ever-present Christian problem of gossip, and it becomes even more frustrating. DO NOT talk about other people because of something you heard. Talk to them! Always talk to the person first! They deserve at very least that much.

And lastly, I attempted to confront someone on an ongoing issue this past week. It was done as gently as possible, and from my side of the story, giving them every opportunity to explain themselves. I knew it was going to be difficult, but in reality it ripped me to shreds. The response that I got in return (and it is my interpretation) was... great, but you're an idiot. You should have seen that, I shouldn't have needed to tell you. That hurt me. Not only did it not deal with the issue at hand, but it proceeded to compound it, so that not only was the issue the problem, but my intelligence, and my leadership was in question.

So I'm working through a lot of things right now. The truth of the matter is that I'm glad I knew what I was getting into when I signed up for ministry. It's no longer any mystery why the average life of a pastor is 6-8 months. Churches are brutal.

God, my friends, my father, and Jordan mean so much to me right now. They have been a huge source of support and prayer during this trying time, and because of that, I know I'll make it through.

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