Monday, March 26, 2007

Called, Sealed... and it Hurts

I find myself in a precarious precipice. I know where God has called me to be. I know where He wants me at this point in time. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t want to do it any longer. It hurts; hurts more than I ever knew I could. I feel empty emotionally. I feel hurt spiritually. I feel like David.

Psalm 13:1-6 For the director of music. A psalm of David.

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall. B
ut I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

Why Lord? Why have you put me here? Why must I endure these lashes? Why cannot I yield just once and surrender to the whims of my heart? Why cannot I just walk away and leave the work to someone else at some other time? Why must my heart cry out for relief and my soul ask it for just a little more time? Why do I feel so lonely and distant from those around me? When will you show me your glory in the midst of this mire? I want to be free of these burdens.

But I know, even while I hurt. While I cry out for relief that you are here with me. I know that you love me. I don’t always feel it, but I know it is true. I just wish it didn’t hurt anymore. So let this be my song. Let the nations know that this is my heart, even when I cry out in pain.

This is my desire to honour you
Lord with all my heart, I worship You
All I have within me, I give You praise
All that I adore is in You

Every breathe that I take
Every moment I’m awake
Lord have You’re way in me

Lord I give you my heart I give you my soul, I live for You alone
Every breathe that I take
Every moment I’m awake
Lord, have Your way in me
Lord... have your way in me.

3 comments:

Elephant Memories said...

Psalm 54
IF you feel like David, know that God will still give you strength and fortitude. It's amazing to see how close your work to those getting to know GOd.

God Speed.

MRS. G said...

Stephen,

I know these are gut-wrenchingly difficult days for you. May I encourage you to take your eyes off the waves around you and fix them firmly on Jesus. You have been called to endure a hard thing. BUT GOD . . . is in control . . . is there to hold you up and to renew you. We were never promised an easy road but we were promised a way through. Jesus has not forgotten you. He feels your pain and your hurt. He sees your disappointment with people. But there is NO disappointment in Jesus. So keeping hanging on to HIM!

THROUGH

When I saw what lay before me,
“Lord,” I cried, “what will you do?”
I thought that He would just remove it
But He gently led me through.

Without fire there’s no refining;
Without pain, no relief;
Without flood there’s no rescue;
Without testing, no belief.

Through the fire, through the flood,
Through the water, through the blood.
Through the dry and barren places,
Through life’s dense and maddening mazes.

Through the pain and through the glory
“Through” will always tell the story
Of a God whose power and mercy will not fail
To take us through.

Jordan said...

I know what you're going through, and no amount of words can cover it over or fix it. But when we both come out at the end of these trials, refined, tested, and purified, God will be glorified in us even more and we will be even closer to Him. You're in His arms now, how much closer can you get? ;)